You deserve to be with someone who’s sure they want to be with you. Instead of pressuring him, channel your energy into something positive. If you feel an urge to pressure him, redirect your attention. Pick up a creative project of yours, get some work done, or phone a friend. And remember, when you avoid pressuring him, it serves your own happiness. Put yourself in a position where any relationship that forms will be with someone who’s thrilled to be exclusive with you.
If you’re feeling disheartened, get support from friends. Offer to buy your pal a cup of coffee and ask them to let you talk things out. If you experience self-doubt, add positive affirmations into your routine. Look in the mirror and recite empowering words: “I am worthy of love. ” Meet your negative thoughts with perspective: “Exclusivity is a big commitment. It makes sense that he’s taking his time, and it’s good that I’m respecting his needs. ”
Show up at important events. When he asks you to come to his open mic, award ceremony, or birthday party, make sure you’re there to cheer him on. Offer your help when he’s struggling with a personal issue. Did he leave a work document at his place? Offer to drop it off for him. Listen when he’s struggling with an emotional issue. Give him a shoulder to cry on, show empathy for his feelings, and offer him advice.
Discover more about him. Ask heartfelt questions: “What was your childhood like? What do you remember most from when you were a kid?” Show him you’re an active listener, and he’ll be more likely to be vulnerable with you. While he speaks, ask clarifying questions and validate his feelings. Spend time enjoying activities that you two love. If you’re a writer, ask him to read your work. If he swims, ask him to teach you to swim freestyle.
Spend time on the activities that you’re passionate about. Work in your garden or polish off your piano skills. Invest hours into activities that contribute to a healthy mindset and perspective. Volunteer, try meditation, or start a daily gratitude journal. Strengthen your confidence. Spend time with people who make you feel amazing, wear clothes you love, and chase down your work goals.
Do what feels right to you. If you only like dating one person at once, more power to you. But if you do want to date, keep playing the field. Dating is about discovery. Before you’re exclusive, feel free to keep on exploring what’s out there! Do make sure you’re dating for yourself, not to make him jealous. Dating to prove your worth to someone else can be tempting. Ultimately though, you’ll more likely to find happiness in your love life if you’re going after what you really want. And you definitely deserve that!
Ask him a casual question about your relationship’s trajectory: “Hey, I just wanted to check in. How do you feel like things are going between us?” You can even say directly that you’re not looking to apply pressure: “I don’t mean to stress you out. I just wanted to ask where you see things going. ” Remind him that you won’t judge him for his feelings: “Whatever you’re feeling is okay. I just thought it was time to have an honest conversation. " At the very least, sharing your fears can lead to a good discussion. In some cases, the conversation could give the other person an opportunity to reassure you. [11] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
Let him know that you’re sure about your desires: “Okay, thanks for telling me how you feel. I’ve thought a lot about this, and I know what I want. ” Explain your hopes for the relationship: “I really like you. I’d love to feel like we’re moving forward together. I want to be exclusive. ” If your relationship needs to change for you to feel satisfied, let him know: “I don’t need this right away, but eventually, I will need exclusivity. " It’s best to have this type of conversation when you’ve been dating to a point of exclusivity, like 1 month, 6 weeks, 3 months, and so on. [13] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
Ask him if he imagines you two going exclusive: “Do you think you’ll want exclusivity eventually? Are you just taking time to think?” Let him know that he can be honest with you: “Thanks for your honesty. I need to understand your reasoning. ” If he still needs time and you feel comfortable waiting, let him know that you’re happy to be patient. Make a plan to discuss your relationship again at a date that you both feel comfortable with.
You might say, “Thanks for being honest. It sounds like to get what I want, I may need to move on. "
Get support from friends and family. Treat yourself to ice cream, a massage, or a day at the movies. You had the strength to walk away from something that ultimately wouldn’t serve your happiness. That’s amazing!
