For example, many Christians are comfortable with a kiss on the cheek to show affection, but draw the line at long make-out sessions or anything below the belt. Your boundaries may be different: it’s important that you not compare your boundaries to others, and instead do what feels spiritually right to you. [1] X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship Advisor Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. The boundaries you journal might look something like this: “I want to save sex for marriage and kissing for a fiance after we’ve been engaged. I want to wait to say “I love you” at least until we’ve already had serious conversations about our future lives together, and wait until marriage before moving in together. ” In Biblical times, people didn’t date, and instead marriages were generally pre-arranged. Therefore, the Bible doesn’t explicitly say what acts are acceptable before marriage, but you should draw a line between acts of affection and acts of a sexual nature. Where that line should be depends on you and your own personal understanding of faith.
It’s okay if you and your partner come into the relationship with different expectations for boundaries, but try to leave this conversation with the same ones. Neither you or your partner should commit to going any farther than either of you feels is comfortable—no one should feel pushed to loosen their boundaries. [3] X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship Advisor Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. For example, if your partner is okay with spending the night at your place, but you’d rather have a curfew after which you return to your respective homes, the curfew should be the boundary for your relationship.
Wait until you feel very committed to your partner before deciding to pray together. Praying together can build spiritual intimacy before your relationship is ready—remember that God is interested in our authentic, private selves, not the selves we use to impress potential romantic partners. [5] X Research source Be wary of emotionally depending on your partner. At least until you’re married, you should feel comfortable living your life independent of your partner—your partner’s presence should feel like something enjoyable, not something necessary. As scripture tells us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Just as Christians are called to guard their hearts against negative influences and evil intentions, they are likewise asked to be judicious about who they give their heart to.
In your married life, sexual desire will come and go—it’s only natural. Dating in a way that is spiritually pure is good practice for showing affection in other ways. [7] X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship Advisor Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. Think of keeping each other accountable as building a relationship that’s not solely about sex[8] X Research source
Remember that all temptations can be overcome. Keep this verse from the Bible in mind: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10-13). [10] X Research source
Try to avoid doing things that would make it difficult for you or your partner to stay away from temptation. A good rule of thumb is to dress and act around each other like you would if your grandma was in the room.
Don’t be afraid to ask a couple about any issues you’re having in your relationship. Your church community is meant to support you, and you shouldn’t feel like certain topics are off-limits.
Temptation can be a slippery slope—one night you might decide to spend a little too long kissing your partner, and the next night you might end up taking things further.
Initiating a breakup can be extremely hard, and it’s important to have a support system of friends, family, and religious brothers and sisters to help you through it. A breakup can be a drawn-out conversation, but you’ll want to say something like, “Although I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, I just can’t see a future in our relationship. ”
God is full of forgiveness, and His grace is for everyone who truly repents of falling into temptation. As the Bible tells us, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
If breaking your relationship’s physical boundaries was not something that you both consented to, understand that you may be a victim of sexual assault. In that case, it’s really important that you find a source of support to help you navigate these emotions. Please get in touch with a trusted friend, family member, or mentor. You can also contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to speak to someone who can help you.
