Because your ex was likely controlling and made decisions for you, you might’ve lost confidence in yourself. It’s normal to feel anxious or unsure about being in the driver’s seat of your life again. Think back to who you were and how you felt before the abuse started. That person isn’t gone, and the abuse doesn’t get to define who you are. [3] X Research source
Try journaling to explore your feelings. [6] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021. You can try a prompt like, “How am I feeling today?” or “What kind of life do I want to lead?” Let out intense emotions by exercising, crying, and even screaming if it feels right. [7] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021. Join a support group or talk to friends and family about how you’re feeling. [8] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
For instance, did you feel like you were always walking on eggshells around your partner? Did you feel like you couldn’t be yourself? When you catch yourself missing your partner or thinking about going back to them, ask yourself, “How do these thoughts improve my life? Can I see any ways these thoughts might hold me back?”[10] X Research source
“What evidence do I have to support this belief?” “What’s the evidence against this belief?” “Does this belief come from someone else or does it come from the facts?” “What’s a different belief that might be more correct?”
Spin an intrusive thought like “He was right that I can’t do anything on my own” into an affirmation like “I’m capable of more than I think, even if I still have room to grow. ” Try challenging a negative thought with a positive mantra like “I’m a strong, kind person, and I deserve respect. ” Focus on what you’ve learned from the past rather than what you’d do differently. For instance, “I won’t let anyone make me feel like I’m not good enough in the future. ” Celebrate positive changes you make in your life with statements like, “I made time for myself today and got to do the things I love. ”
If you need to stay in contact with an abusive ex because you co-parent with them, try to have a supportive third-party present (like a close friend) when you meet with your ex. If you and your abusive ex need to work out a parenting plan or custody, you can contact your state’s Family Court Services to get assigned a free mediator. [15] X Research source
If you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can join a peer-lead online support group for survivors of abuse like https://www. hope4-recovery. org/group. html or https://www. peaceoverviolence. org/counseling.
Eat a healthy diet with fresh fruit and vegetables and reduce your intake of processed foods. Try out mindfulness activities like meditation or breathing exercises.
Get active and boost your confidence by learning a new skill like yoga, self-defense, or dancing. [22] X Research source Express your emotions and exercise your creativity through photography, painting, and writing.
Learn about the signs of a healthy relationship, which include respect, trust, honesty, and empathy. Trust your gut when it comes to dating someone new. You shouldn’t ever feel uncomfortable or pressured in a good relationship.
Most therapists or counselors should let you book a free consultation so you can make sure you feel safe and comfortable talking to them. [25] X Expert Source Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTLicensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist Expert Interview. 24 April 2020. If you can’t afford therapy, visit https://www. thehotline. org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/ to find local resources and organizations.
