It can be really challenging to switch things up, especially when you’re doing it for an emotional reason. Remember to be patient with yourself and start by doing what you can. This could mean changing up where you grab lunch or your morning coffee. If you used to bump into them while walking your dog, consider taking an alternate route.
For example, if you used to work out at night, try hitting the gym or going for a run in the morning. It might seem like a pain to have to change your habits, but it’s probably one of the most effective ways to keep them out of sight.
If you want, you can unfriend them or stop following them. But if you’re worried that might invite questions or draw attention to yourself, the mute option is your best bet. You’ll stop seeing their posts but don’t have to stop being friends on social altogether.
Resist the urge to flirt even if they initiate it. Even if they start complimenting you and acting interested, resist the urge to reciprocate. If you work with them, say something like, “I’m trying to stay professional. Thanks for respecting that. ” Avoid physical contact. Don’t casually touch them if you do run into each other. That can send the signal that you’re interested in them. It can be super tough to resist these urges, so don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Just try to get yourself back on track with a pep talk.
Try something new like taking tennis lessons or going to a painting class. This will engage your mind and give you something to do with your time. You could also spend time on projects you’ve been wanting to tackle, like cleaning out your closets. Even though you’re going through something tough, there can be benefits to this time.
Ask your best friend to take that road trip the two of you have been talking about forever. See if your mom wants to start taking a long hike with you on the weekends.
Try saying, “Hey, I’m realizing I have feelings for Jamie. I don’t think it’s something I want to pursue, but I’m having trouble dealing with my attraction. Can you talk it out with me?” Make sure to choose someone that you can trust not to share your feelings with anyone else.
For example, you could tell yourself, “If I start seeing Taylor, it would really hurt Sam’s feelings. It hasn’t been very long since they broke up. I don’t want to deal with that. ” Or you might think, “Last time I tried dating Whitney, they hurt my feelings a lot. I felt bad about myself, and I don’t want to feel that way again. ” Weigh the cons realistically. If you are attracted to someone that is off-limits, think about how being with them could harm your career, friendships, or family. If you or the other person is already in a relationship, remind yourself of that every time you are tempted to see them.
Think to yourself, “Okay, I’m thinking about Jaime. I’m going to shift my thoughts and think about game night with my friends instead. " Try giving yourself a time limit. Tell yourself that you will think about them for 5 minutes and then you’ll move on. Set a timer on your phone so you stick to it.
For example, maybe they were really kind to your pets. Make “animal lover” a non-negotiable when you start dating. If you admired their work ethic, focus on finding someone new with that same quality.
This can be super tough, so make sure to be kind to yourself. You can also lean on your friends when you need to.
For example, maybe you’re attracted to someone because they share your love of music. Ask your partner if they’re willing to go to some more concerts with you. That might fill your need and cause your feelings for your crush to cool down. This might be pretty emotional. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel whatever emotions you’re dealing with.
Try not to be nervous if it’s your first time seeking counseling. It can feel awkward at first, but you’re doing a great job of prioritizing your mental health.
