Try to keep the discussion’s focus on the relationship’s themes, instead of getting into the back and forth of a specific fight. When you and your partner identify an ongoing issue together, make sure the solution you decide on works for both of you.
Prioritize getting enough sleep. Take time each week to enjoy the things you love to do. Try to take the time to plan healthy, balanced meals.
Come up with a list of basic requirements that you need in order to be happy in the relationship. This may be loyalty, a certain level of physical affection, mutual independence, and maybe a bit of reassurance. Encourage your partner to come up with their own list. Share your lists with each other. Together, you can brainstorm how to meet each other’s needs in an emotionally sustainable way. This way, the two of you are more likely to put in effort that has positive effects on the relationship.
If you’re fighting about who will unload the dishwasher, don’t think of your interests as competing. One of you might insist that their day was more tiring, and so they shouldn’t have to. The other might say that they did it last time, so they shouldn’t have to. Combine your interests and focus on compromise. For instance, you could say, “The dishwasher needs to be unloaded regardless. I get you’re tired, so I’ll do it. But next time, I’d like you to, so we’re sharing an equal load. ”
Consider six core parts of your relationship: communication, connection, investment, enjoyment, growth, trust. You and your partner should take time to reflect. Then, assign each category a score, 1-10, depending on how well your relationship does in that area. Use your scores’ similarities and differences to start a conversation about your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. Commit to working on one area of weakness each week and check in on how you both feel you did.
Secure attachment style refers to an individual’s ability to feel connected to partners, secure in those connections, and still capable of independence. Anxious attachment styles indicate a person’s insecurity and emotional hunger in relationships. They can become clingy, demanding, or possessive. Avoidant attachment styles refer to a fear of closeness with their partners. They ignore relationships’ significance, shut down emotionally, and avoid intimacy. Other combinations exist, and you can identify your style through online quizzes, research, and reflection. Attachment styles can be excellent tools to talk about patterns in your relationship. They can also help you reflect on your own needs.
Use humor. When a fight pops up, try using a little silliness to keep things light. For example, if you do an impression that makes your partner laugh, respond to a question in that voice. Try touching. Go in for a hug, reach for your partner’s hand, or throw an arm around their shoulder. Take a break. If you feel things escalating, spend a minute cooling off in separate rooms. Even just a quick pause can make a huge different!
First, tell your partner that you understand what you did to hurt them. Next, let your partner know that you are sympathetic to how they feel. The more fights that you can end quickly and positively, the less emotional drain you and your partner will feel.
If you tend to be the complainer, try screening some of your worries out. Ask yourself if you need support, or if you’re complaining to complain. If you really need help, you should be able to share with your partner. If not, find a positive spin to your comment instead. If you’re the listening ear, try to be there when you sense that your partner really needs it. On the other hand, don’t make a big deal out of every little complaint. Offer a simple, supportive remark without opening up an entire discussion.
Reach out to a parent, sibling, cousin, or friend, and offer to buy them a cup of coffee and chat things out. Pick someone who makes you feel heard.
Remember, if you’d prefer it, you can go to see a professional on your own instead. Similarly, keep in mind that your partner may end up wanting to attend therapy longer than you will. This is totally normal!
Set clear expectations and boundaries before the break begins. No one should be getting hurt over a miscommunication. Know that taking a break can be a bit of a risk. There’s always a chance that you or your partner will gain clarity during a break that leads to a breakup. However, sometimes the relationship just isn’t working. Make sure you spend your break genuinely reflecting on your needs, desires, and relationship’s patterns. Trust that if you come back together, your relationship will have a healthier, more secure foundation to build from.
Do you feel both of you care enough about the relationship working out? Are you flexible with each other and within reasonable expectations, willing to change for each other? Are you typically able to resolve disagreements in a friendly way? Does the time you spend together add or detract from your happiness?
