There’s no one right or wrong time in a relationship for someone to say “I love you. ”[2] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019. Do some soul-searching to try to decide when the time is right. For instance, you might wait until you’re sure that you love him before you start asking how he feels about you. Don’t worry about “rules” like waiting for a certain number of months or having a specific number of dates before you bring up the subject. Every couple is different!
Try saying something like, “Hey, there’s something important I’ve been wanting to ask you. Is this a good time?” It’s also okay to be a little spontaneous, if the moment feels right! For example, if you’ve just had an amazing date and are relaxing in each other’s arms, it might be a good moment to talk about your feelings.
If you say it first, he might let you know how he feels without waiting to be asked! In addition to telling him that you love him, tell him why he’s so special to you. For instance, you could say things like, “You’re always there for me, and I’m so grateful for that. I love the way we can make each other smile and laugh—and I love you. ” You don’t have to use the words “I love you” if you’re not comfortable saying it that way. For example, try something like “You mean so much to me,” “I care about you a lot,” or “I’m totally crazy about you. ”
If you don’t want to put too much pressure on him, say something like, “I know that’s a big question. You don’t have to answer right away if you’re not ready. ”
For example, you could write a cute note saying, “Do you love me? Check yes or no. ” This is also a good way to give your boyfriend extra time to think about his answer. For example, give him a card with a love note inside and tell him he can read it (and answer) whenever he’s ready.
“How are you feeling about us right now?” “Do you see us staying together long-term?” “What do you like about our relationship?” “What can I do to help you feel more loved?”
Whatever he says, respect his answer. Only he can decide how he feels about you! Even if he isn’t ready to say “I love you” yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t get there. He may just need more time to figure out how he feels. [8] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
“I care so much about you. ” “You’re awesome!” “I’m so happy when we’re together. ” “I’m here for you. ” “Thanks for everything you do. ”
On the other hand, if your bae constantly talks about himself and his own interests and doesn’t seem that into anything you have to say, that could mean that his mind and heart are somewhere else.
Pay attention to how he acts with you in both good and bad times. For example, is he there to comfort you when you’re feeling down? Does he celebrate with you when things are going well?
Loving touches can include things like hugs, holding hands, backrubs, or even just a gentle pat on the shoulder from time to time. You might notice that he likes to snuggle up close or lean against you when you’re sitting together. Sexual touching can definitely be a sign of love and affection, but it’s important that these kinds of touches are respectful and that it’s something you both want. Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about what sex means to both of you.
For example, if you ask your boyfriend to stop making comments or jokes that bother you, he should apologize and stop. It’s totally normal for people to cross each other’s boundaries sometimes, even in a loving relationship. Watch for how he reacts when you let him know he’s crossed the line, though. He should make a sincere effort not to do it again.
Does he ask for your input about what the two of you do together? Does he get your advice when he’s making major decisions that might affect both of you? For instance, if he’s thinking about where he wants to go to college, he might talk to you about it.
