For example, you might rest your hand on their arm or leg as you’re making a point in a conversation or brush your hand down their back as you pass them in the kitchen. Whenever the mood strikes, give your partner a hug or brief squeeze. You might grab their hand as you’re walking together or squeeze their knee when you’re sitting next to each other. In private moments, try running your hand up their leg or down their chest. You also might give them a slightly longer kiss, then let your mouth linger around their neck or ear.
For example, if you normally only cuddle with your partner when you’re in bed getting ready to go to sleep for the night, you might cuddle with your partner on the couch after dinner instead. If you and your partner typically have sex at night before you go to sleep, try setting your alarm a little earlier so you can surprise your partner with sex in the morning.
For example, you might mention that you really enjoy having sex to release tension after you’ve had a stressful day at work. This isn’t about having conversations specifically about sex and intimacy, or even about your relationship. You can just mention these things casually. For example, if your partner casually rests their hand on your leg while they’re driving, you might mention that you really like when they do that.
For example, you might start by giving your partner a quick peck on the cheek as they leave for work. After about a week of that, start giving them a longer, more lingering kiss. Gradually build up the intimacy, rather than trying to jump right into it (which is likely to feel forced and awkward). Talk to your partner about this, too. Don’t make it your secret project. It’s not likely to work if they’re not on board and willing to put forth some effort as well.
This is something it can be easy to lose if your appearance has changed a lot since you and your partner first started seeing each other. For example, you might’ve had children or gained weight. But don’t let those things get in the way of loving yourself—own all those special things that make you “you. " If you’re really unhappy with how you look, try doing some mirror work. Just stand in front of the mirror and ignore the critical voice in your head. Instead, focus on the things that you love about your appearance.
For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling a distance between us lately. Can we take a few minutes tonight to talk about what’s going on?” It also helps to be specific about what you feel is missing in the relationship. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed we just don’t touch each other as much as we used to and I miss it. Can we talk about that?” If you and your partner have a hard time engaging in these conversations, consider getting help from a couples counselor. They give you a neutral environment where you can have some of these more difficult conversations with less fear and anxiety.
Don’t worry if you feel restless without any distractions—you might try engaging in an activity together to help you focus your attention. For example, you could play a cooperative board game or put together a jigsaw puzzle. If you have the time and room in your budget, you might even consider a weekend couple’s retreat where you disconnect from the world for a couple of days so you can reconnect with each other.
The wonderful thing about this is that it’s something you can easily do anytime—you don’t have to wait for the “right moment” to recall something funny that happened in your past. It does help if the memory is somewhat related to what you’re doing. For example, if you’re both cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, you might say, “Remember that time the dog got into the flour and spread it all over the kitchen? It was such a mess, but all we could do was laugh. " As you laugh along, you’ll feel closer to each other.
For example, you might say, “Hey, I really appreciate you taking out the trash this morning. " And that’s it! For little things, that’s really all you need to say. You might go into more detail for something bigger. For example, you might say, “Listen, I need to tell you that I really appreciate you taking the kids out for dinner tonight. I was really struggling to finish this project by the deadline and that couple of hours by myself was exactly what I needed. I love you so much. "
For example, you might write notes that say “I love you so much,” or “You’re my favorite person. " These types of notes can be hidden anywhere. You can also write more specific notes and put them in places related to what you’ve written. For example, you might put a note that reads “You look great today” among your partner’s toiletries in the bathroom or in a drawer.
One study showed that couples who engaged in exciting new activities together also increased their overall relationship satisfaction. [12] X Research source Just feeling excited about the same thing together can really enhance your connection with your partner in a lot of ways.
Surprise makes your relationship feel fun and exciting. You’ll enjoy planning the surprise and get a little rush from keeping it from your partner. It makes things a little unpredictable (in a good way). For example, you might make reservations at your partner’s favorite restaurant followed by tickets to one of their favorite bands in concert. You might tell them to wear that shirt you like or their new jacket. If you’re bad at keeping secrets, you can show them the concert tickets at dinner.
For example, suppose you’ve always been interested in pottery. If you take a pottery class on your own, it’ll invigorate and excite you—and you can bring that energy back to your partner. New skills and interests can also help you and your partner see a “side” of each other that you’ve never seen before—and that can reinvigorate your passion for each other. For example, if you’ve never seen your partner’s competitive side before, you’ll see them in a new light if you watch them play on a rec league soccer team.
