The person you’re dating never defines the relationship you have. They call you up only when they have free time. They never make plans with you in advance. They keep the dynamic on the “down-low” and don’t tell anyone about it. They only hang out at your place and won’t go out in public with you. They’ve recently ended another relationship. They still talk about and idealize their ex. They’re rarely sensitive to your needs and mostly focus on their desires. They don’t express curiosity about you or your dreams. They focus purely on a physical connection.
“I am worthy of affection. I hope to be with someone who nourishes my heart. Right now, I feel that there’s some coldness and distance in my relationship. ” “I am very lovable. I’m searching for a situation where I’m praised and appreciated. Currently, I feel a little overlooked. ” “I’m an exciting, happy-go-lucky person. I’m seeking adventure and spontaneity. These days, I don’t do very much with the guy I’m seeing. ”
“I expect to have plenty of advance notice about dates. I find last-minute plans and cancellations disrespectful. ” “I need a mental and emotional connection. I won’t accept a dynamic that’s purely physical. “I believe in strong communication and want a partner who’s curious about my opinions. I can’t stay in a relationship where we never talk. ”
It’s possible that your partner may not understand your love language. If that’s the case, it can explain why you haven’t felt fully cared for in the relationship. You might both receive and express love languages in different ways. For example, you may crave cuddles while your partner wants praise. You have a better shot at a strong relationship when these preferences are communicated. Even if this particular connection doesn’t work out, knowing your love language will strengthen other dynamics you enter.
It’s also possible that your partner still hasn’t fully healed from their past relationship, even if it ended a while ago. If the person you’re seeing just wanted some “fun” after a heartbreak, then that’s a sign that they’re on the “rebound. ”
Bring up any ways that your partner has been inconsistent. For example, say something like, “When we first dated, we hung out twice a week, and now we only see each other once a month. ” Be clear about behaviors that you don’t find normal in a healthy relationship. Make a comment like, “You openly flirt with a ton of people online, but you’ve never publicly mentioned me or taken a picture with me. ” Talk about how these patterns affect you. Share an outlook like, “When you don’t acknowledge me, I feel like I’m insignificant in your life. ”
If they never put dates down on their calendar and “lock in” a day to see you, that’s already a hint that they don’t think about the future. When they can’t clearly define what kind of relationship you’re in and what it can develop into, they probably haven’t thought about how your connection could progress. Test your partner with a question like, “Where do you see us a year from now?” Their answer can tell you how casually they’re treating your relationship. For example, they might tell you they have “no clue. ”
Start off with a friendly tone and say something like, “So! When am I meeting your friends?” If your partner doesn’t give you a clear answer, ask why they haven’t included you in their social circle yet. Finally, explain why it’s important that you interact with the people they care about. Make a comment like, “I would feel like you’re proud of me if you went out in public with me. ”
“I want to see the person I’m dating at least once a week. I also want quality time, like watching a movie together or going out to dinner. ”[10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source “I want to feel like I matter and that my partner is invested in me. In order to feel included, I’d like you to finally introduce me to your friends. ” “I want to depend on my significant other for emotional support. I need to share when I’m going through a hard time. ”
Bring up qualities that excited you in the very beginning. For example, you can say, “When I first met you, I noticed you had the most amazing laugh and that you had a fantastic sense of humor. ” Then, discuss why you thought the two of you had long-term potential. Share something like, “You seemed really open and warm, so I thought there’d be a lot of care and affection in our relationship. ” Ask your partner what they felt ready for. Pose a question like, “At first, you were so enthusiastic and down to hang out. What was going through your head when you met me?”
A therapist can help you look into your past so you can better understand why you are drawn to certain relationship styles. Your friends and a mental health professional can remind you of your worth and what you deserve so you can pursue people who fully cherish you.
Exhaustion is one of the first signs that you’re in a “one-sided” relationship and do all the work, resulting in emotional burnout. [15] X Expert Source Kate DreyfusHolistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 22 November 2021. If your partner isn’t invested in making an effort and you overextend yourself, then your connection is very imbalanced. [16] X Expert Source Kate DreyfusHolistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 22 November 2021. In some cases, people aren’t aware of the impact they have on others. Tell your partner when you’re emotionally and physically tired. For example, say, “I always drive to you. It’s really wearing me out. I need the person I’m dating to come see me as often as I travel to them. ”
Tell them what you’ve learned and why you’re empowered if you leave. Say something like, “I realized that I should remove myself from a situation where I’m not heard or cared for. ” Talk about the importance of self-care. Make a comment like, “I know I need to advocate for myself and my health. I only have space for a relationship that uplifts me. ”
