If you journal every day, your perspective about the breakup will become more and more clear. [3] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022. Over time, you’ll actually be able to come up with some solutions to your problems. For example, you can write, “I never felt like they listened to me. I need to find more people who value my opinions. ” Research shows that journaling can help you manage the most difficult emotions that follow a breakup, like grief.
Shuffle songs if you have mixed feelings. The random song choice can help you get in touch with every way you feel about the breakup. Make separate playlists, too. For example, you can make one that says “Cry It Out” and another that’s titled “Single Vibes. ” Add some throwback hits, too. Research suggests that you’ll feel best when you listen to songs that were popular when you were younger.
If you only have a little energy, you can talk for just 10 minutes. Your mood will still improve a lot. Ask the person you’re calling if it’s a good time to chat. If you need to, you can reschedule with them and check in with someone else. Try to join a support group and talk to others who just went through a breakup. You can attend these meetups online and in person. If possible, limit conversations about your ex. Leave that for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor or coach. [7] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
Schedule time with people you can be yourself around and who are really kind to you. Both you and your friends will really benefit when you all go out. When they see you smile or laugh, they’ll love that they can show you a good time. Research suggests that 6 hours of social activity is really good for you. Even if you just talk to people at work or school, those interactions help your emotional health.
Bring a friend or two if you’re going somewhere more remote, like a forest. You can all collect pine cones or leaves, then arrange them and take a picture to capture the connection you all have. Make sure to dress for the weather so you can really relax. If it’s cold out, put on a coat, and if it’s warm out, wear less layers. Studies show that mindful nature walks can stop “rumination,” or any thoughts that you can get stuck on, like worries about your breakup. [11] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
Stock up on healthy foods you love and stick to exercise regimens that excite you. For example, maybe you prefer instant oatmeal in the morning and a hip-hop dance routine at night. Make some fun social events, too. For instance, you and your buddies can go to the farmer’s market, throw a potluck, or join some gym classes together. It’s a fun adventure to find out what you like the most. You can try Pilates one weekend, and then rock climbing the next.
You can also breathe new life into your space with just a little bit of effort, too. For example, if you’re on a budget or just want to keep things low-key, you can pick up one potted flower. Decorate your room with a theme that captures the new “you. ” For example, if you’d like to be more bold, you can put up some posters of rock stars and frame quotes about courage. If you still live with your ex, try to get out as much as you can. You can go to a cafe, then make a vision board of the new room you’d love.
You can say another mantra like, “I am strong. I am full of love, and I am surrounded by support. ” Some “loving kindness” meditations focus on how to forgive your ex. For instance, you can say, “I no longer hold onto my feelings about how you treated me. I wish you peace on your path. ” You can also design a “loving kindness” message for yourself. You may even tell yourself, “I forgive myself for my struggles in that relationship. Now, I’m moving forward. ”
Your milestone might relate to a physical challenge. For example, maybe you’d like to run a 5K in six months. Increase the distance you run over time and you’ll hit that goal. Your new standard might connect to emotional health. For instance, maybe you want to be present. You can focus on “active listening” skills. Your goal might be related to your career path. You may say something like, “I would like to be a social worker one day. ” You can look up any job requirements for your ideal position.
A good trick is to picture what it looks like to “goof off. ” If the activity feels silly or care-free, then make lots of time for it. You’ll also feel grateful for your own self-care. It’ll feel really nice to focus less on what you think you “have” to do and more on what you want to do. Studies show that if you participate in any activity you are excited about, you’ll lower your blood pressure and “cortisol,” a hormone that creates stress.
Try a DIY project, too. It can be for beginners or it can be more advanced. For example, you can make an air plant terrarium, or you can even build a bookshelf. You can sign up for a class, too. Your local city college or community center probably offers a lot of interesting courses. You can take one at any time of the day, from the morning to the evening. You can even teach someone a new skill. For instance, maybe you’re great at knitting. It also takes a lot of focus to mentor people.
The more you and your friends are there for each other, the more you’ll build a sense of trust and your own tight-knit community. You can find a whole new sense of purpose when you help out. For instance, if you tutor some local kids, you may find out you have a passion for education. You can also support people who are far away. For example, you can donate some money to organizations that are overseas.
It can be really rewarding to have a lot of time to yourself. You can spend it in so many ways, and you’ll only have to focus on your own schedule. Keep coming up with new challenges to empower yourself. For example, you can say, “I’ll be even more independent when I learn how to drive. ” Commit to your own happiness. You can even tell yourself, “I’m ‘the One’ in my life. ” Then, just pursue what’s best for you.
There are even therapists that specialize in “breakup counseling. ” They’ll know exactly how to help you in your situation and create a recovery plan with you. Share all your challenges with your counselor. Tell them if you struggle with sleeping, eating well, or socializing. They’ll be able to advise you about how to improve your health. If you really click with your therapist, you can keep seeing them even after you’ve healed from your breakup.
