You might say, “Lately, I feel like our relationship isn’t a priority for you. I’m not trying to point any fingers, but I just want to be honest with you. ” Good communication isn’t always about being “right. ” Be prepared to compromise as you talk things out with your partner.
Restating, reflecting, and summarizing are great ways to be an active listener. You might say something like, “Let me make sure I’m on the same page…” “It sounds like…” or “I can tell that you’ve been thinking about this a lot. ”[4] X Research source
Instead of saying “I don’t get why you’re so upset about this,” you might say, “I’m sorry you’ve felt this way. I didn’t mean to leave all the trash and recycling to you last night. ”
If you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, focus on building your self-esteem and putting yourself out there with your partner.
For example, if you tended to pick fights with your parents as a child, you might pick fights with your partner without realizing it.
For instance, if your partner tends to leave their dirty laundry on the floor, say something like, “I don’t want to start a fight, but I’ve noticed that you don’t seem to listen or care when I remind you to put your laundry away. Is there a way we could compromise on this?”
For instance, if your partner forgets to do the dishes, suggest making a chore chart instead of criticizing them for forgetting. If your partner is in a bad mood, ask “What’s on your mind?” instead of saying “What are you pissed about?”
You might ask a simple, open-ended question, like “If a crystal ball could tell you an absolute truth about your past, present, or future, what would you ask?”
For instance, you might go to the movies one weekend if you usually spend the night in. You might try out a new restaurant instead of eating dinner at home.
For instance, you might sign up for a cooking or dance class together, or take a daily walk around the neighborhood. You could have a heartfelt conversation each morning over a cup of coffee.
You might pat your partner on the shoulder if they’ve had a rough day, or offer to give them a hug. If touch isn’t a big part of your relationship, talk to your partner about it! An open conversation might help you pinpoint some issues in the relationship.
You might thank your partner for making the bed that morning, or for picking up some extra ingredients at the grocery store.
For instance, you might be in charge of grocery shopping for one month, while your partner manages your savings. Then, you can switch roles the following month.
If you don’t feel like seeing a therapist, reach out to another trustworthy third party, like a religious leader or close friend.
